So, Beck's "Loser" popped on the radio on my drive home today, and the quasi-meditative background sound that looped through the song made me feel rather philosophical.
There's
a question that I hear from other paraprofessionals, but never from
people from outside the field. "What exactly is my job, here?" I mean,
if an outsider were asked what we do, it would be simple: "They work
with people with special needs (person-first language
notwithstanding)". Yet, for us, the people who do that work, who see
these people AS people, and not merely objects of inconvenience, we have
to, at points, sit and wonder: This person is a human being? What am I
doing here?
And the answers I get always volley from cynic to
optimist. At one point the conversation starts to lead to a place where
we're these wondrous teaching translators, working to provide an answer
to a specific person's subjective reality. On the other, we are these
barbaric jailors, grimly locking away the things that makes a person
socially abnormal, in a world where we rapidly realize, normalcy doesn't
even exist. There's a sort of dance about it too; at some points in the
conversation one person might be the obvious cynic, and then the other
person makes a comment which WAY overpasses the first person's cynicism,
and so the first person plays the role of the optimist.
By the end of the conversation, there's a lull, not usually because either person has run out of things to say, but rather that both sides don't really have much energy to continue. I mean, it is both, isn't it? Yeah, we go out of our way to make it so that our guys can actively and independently participate in the world around them, but almost always this comes at the cost of the individuality of the person. I mean, whatever little quirks that we don't find to be at all offensive, and indeed, perhaps endearing, we realize that when they end up with their neuro-typical peers, or at a workplace, that even these need to be scrubbed in order to present acceptable or professional.
And honestly, it kind of kills us a bit every time we have to do it. I mean, the reasons that these conversations begin is rarely because people got caught up in the fly beats of 90's Beck on the radio. It's the sort of conversation that occurs after we have to make the hard call of determining whether to try and engage our wards socially, or let them stay otherwise happy, but alone. It's the sort of thing that a person looks back on their efforts and wonders whether or not any of it was worth a damn. And, despite how that sounds, it's actually sort of depressing to consider!
I'm gonna be perfectly honest. I'm not writing this post to give you an answer to this question, nor am I really asking it to the crowds, to find an answer myself. What is the unsaid job description of being a paraprofessional? I don't know that there's a good answer, cynically or optimistically. We do what we can, as best as we can, with what we have available. We make it until tomorrow. Then we wake up and do it again. It's a sort of non-answer that politically avoids the harsher truths that you would naturally bring up when considering the question honestly.
But what can I say? I mean, society kind of blows. How many things did you have to give up about yourself growing up to become who you are today? How many funny little things do your parents remember about you, that you've long since grown past? What does it take to grow up, and get a job, and pay the rent, and survive as independent people? The fact is, as socially aware as we try to be ourselves, as we try to make the world around us... As conscious as all the advertisement by all the advocacy campaigns of every individual identity are, we still judge, and worry about being and appearing normal. The workplaces still don't want to deal with non-conformity. The kids at schools still make fun of the odd man out.
It could be worse. Gorillas rip each other apart when they have a deformity or disfiguration. We could be like one of the many Spartan-like cultures which leave any child born somehow "different" on a hillside. But when you stop and think about it, no matter how crappy the alternative could be, it still sucks that we're not somehow better.
I can't get onto this blog and give you an answer, but I can say: I've been there before, and I hear you.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Keeping the Morale: Celebrate the good times, celebrate the bad times.
Look, we've all been there. Yesterday was a pretty good or at lease so-so day for me, but for you it was a shit-show. By the end of the day, it's clear that you've been hit hard on some emotional, physical, or spiritual level. We all go home, but the knowledge is there: we're all supposed to come back tomorrow.
There hasn't been a company that I've worked at that hasn't said "take off days that you need to. Stay off when you're sick, take the day off if you need to regain mental composure". But on the other side of that token, there's a lacking number of sick-days available, and even if the bill collectors weren't constantly calling due to our sub-par wage, rack up more than a couple of conveniently placed sick days, and your 'be well rested, be healthy' workplace starts up the rumor mill about how many unpaid sick days one needs to accrue before they find themselves in the unemployment line.
As a member of a team, it's not just a nice thing to do, but part of your responsibility to do something nice to that person when they get there the next day. I tend to spend a couple bucks and buy a snack for the person, so when they come in it's all happy and nice and sitting there. But really, it just takes some consideration, some pro-activity, and some effort.
What do you get for your little bit of time, effort, and possibly a small bit of money? You create for that person a feeling of appreciation in a job that can sometimes be heartless and thankless. You give them a small bit of safety when that element of their life may have just been shaken. And above all, you remind that person that they're part of something bigger than a single day of hardship.
I mean, people sometimes wonder about why turnover in our job is so high. And the fact is, if all you get at the end of the day is a bite mark, a torn shirt, a handful of people gossiping about your capacity as a worker, and barely enough money to afford a place to live in and food to eat, then hell yeah, people are going to drop like flies. I mean, we can all tell ourselves that we're doing it for our guys and that it's only shoddy workers that leave, but people need to have SOMETHING that they look forward to when they get to work the next day. And if every day is just another period of time shredding our patience and sanity against the grater of hardship, it's not the shoddy workers that are going to leave. It's every worker, eventually.
So if you want your team to be strong, and have people that stay in it for more than a couple of weeks, then you need to BUILD that team.
And while it's absolutely essential for people to show support for one another after a rough day, it's equally essential for your team to show support for good days. I mean, most classrooms I've seen celebrate birthdays. But I've seen how many people go from dating to engaged without so much as a couple of congratulations. C'mon folks, you need to show that love. At least have the students make a nice card or something: We're talking about someone that's putting themselves into their work every day, and we can't even celebrate peoples' life milestones?
Every time you make that effort into your team, that team gets stronger. If you want a group of people whom you can trust in a crisis, then you need to show that group of people that they matter to you. It may just happen that they'll show that love right back.
And c'mon guys. It was just BeetleMania. Didn't you read the News2You?
All you need is love.
There hasn't been a company that I've worked at that hasn't said "take off days that you need to. Stay off when you're sick, take the day off if you need to regain mental composure". But on the other side of that token, there's a lacking number of sick-days available, and even if the bill collectors weren't constantly calling due to our sub-par wage, rack up more than a couple of conveniently placed sick days, and your 'be well rested, be healthy' workplace starts up the rumor mill about how many unpaid sick days one needs to accrue before they find themselves in the unemployment line.
As a member of a team, it's not just a nice thing to do, but part of your responsibility to do something nice to that person when they get there the next day. I tend to spend a couple bucks and buy a snack for the person, so when they come in it's all happy and nice and sitting there. But really, it just takes some consideration, some pro-activity, and some effort.
What do you get for your little bit of time, effort, and possibly a small bit of money? You create for that person a feeling of appreciation in a job that can sometimes be heartless and thankless. You give them a small bit of safety when that element of their life may have just been shaken. And above all, you remind that person that they're part of something bigger than a single day of hardship.
I mean, people sometimes wonder about why turnover in our job is so high. And the fact is, if all you get at the end of the day is a bite mark, a torn shirt, a handful of people gossiping about your capacity as a worker, and barely enough money to afford a place to live in and food to eat, then hell yeah, people are going to drop like flies. I mean, we can all tell ourselves that we're doing it for our guys and that it's only shoddy workers that leave, but people need to have SOMETHING that they look forward to when they get to work the next day. And if every day is just another period of time shredding our patience and sanity against the grater of hardship, it's not the shoddy workers that are going to leave. It's every worker, eventually.
So if you want your team to be strong, and have people that stay in it for more than a couple of weeks, then you need to BUILD that team.
And while it's absolutely essential for people to show support for one another after a rough day, it's equally essential for your team to show support for good days. I mean, most classrooms I've seen celebrate birthdays. But I've seen how many people go from dating to engaged without so much as a couple of congratulations. C'mon folks, you need to show that love. At least have the students make a nice card or something: We're talking about someone that's putting themselves into their work every day, and we can't even celebrate peoples' life milestones?
Every time you make that effort into your team, that team gets stronger. If you want a group of people whom you can trust in a crisis, then you need to show that group of people that they matter to you. It may just happen that they'll show that love right back.
And c'mon guys. It was just BeetleMania. Didn't you read the News2You?
All you need is love.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Let's Talk About Burnout
There isn't a lot that we, as paraprofessionals, are allowed to share as a culture. Yes, we all have a poop story. But we also have a word which everyone seems to know instinctively, a word we've all seen before, but rarely talked about. That word is (if you can guess by the title of the post) burnout.
But what is burnout?
When someone who had been in the field a long time, or had a very traumatic experience and can't seem to let it go, goes back into work the next day, and doesn't seem to give a crap anymore... They seem tired, and they don't find the same jokes as funny, or the same experiences as cute... In short, they don't seem to grab the same joy from the job as they used to... This is what we seem to describe a person who has "burnt out".
What I'm hoping to do through this post is:
A) Discuss the causes of 'burnout', and help you to avoid it if possible.
B) Describe what a 'burnt out' person looks like, and help you determine if you are one. (I'm not going to do this so that you can determine if a co-worker is one, because gossip is the ruination of our peeps, but if you have a close friend that starts acting in this way, you can use this to help perhaps)
C) What actions or activities you can take if you start to feel "burnt out".
D) Become super famous from writing about life stories (because why does anyone ever write blogs on the internet. Gotta make that dolla)
A) How do I catch the burnout?
No, obviously you can't catch 'burnout'. I'm playing around a little bit with a serious issue. I'm not coming from this as a doctor, or a psychologist; these are simply personal observations that I've made over seeing many different paraprofessionals over a long period of time. That being said, there seems to be a small number of events which cause burnout over time.
1) Pain
It can be, or at least often is associated with physical pain, but also emotional pain and stress. We've all worked with that newbie who couldn't let this stuff go after they got to the car that night. Many of us have worked with a tired veteran who was coming in daily talking about how they couldn't pay the bills this month because of our abysmal salary. But it also goes without saying that some of us pull our backs, or come home with bruises or bite marks because of being a hero-in-the-line-of-duty.
Problem is that when these problems don't stop being problems, and they go on day after day, week after week, then we stop being excited (or at least, let's say 'amused') to go into work the next day. Month after month, and we start to dread it. Pain, whether physical, emotional, or stress-related, prolonged over a period of time, is a great reason why people lose enthusiasm, and start considering another line of work.
How can you avoid it?: You can't avoid pain in all forms, obviously. What fun would that be, right? But especially in the terms of short term pain, you can go get a back massage, take a spa day, go to a chiropractor... Depending on the insurance your company carries, this might all be in your plan. If you're having a rough emotional time of it, go out and do something fun. Go see a show. Plan something to look forward to. And, if you're sick stay at home. You may feel like the room won't be able to go on without you, but trust me, once sickness gets into a program, it never leaves. Besides, if you feel like you can't let people down, that's gonna add toward burnout.
2) Money
I've talked about it more than a few times over the last few posts, but money can also be a factor of burnout. I'm not talking about being afraid to pay the bills, at this point, but rather, looking toward the future and seeing what your options are. Many people find themselves somewhat stuck in this type of position, with no good way to advance, and few future options to plan for. But that doesn't stop the younger crowd from ambitions of marriage, buying a house, or having a child. And frankly, all of those things cost money.
Thinking about this enough put people in a place where they stop thinking about the job at hand, and start thinking about where to go next, or even just succumbing to a trapped feeling where they spend time worrying about never being able to go beyond being a paraprofessional.
How can you avoid it?: Practice budgeting, and plan for the things in your life you want to have. Make concrete goals, and include job advancement and education in your schedule. If you don't feel trapped in your job, you may just learn to take a deep breath and enjoy it.
3) Working over a long time with a difficult participant
We love all our guys, in a completely professional way. We love them all equally, and come the good or bad days, we go where we're needed. But sometimes we're the best one at a specific task or job, or considered the person with the most rapport or highest success-rate with a particular individual.
How can you avoid it?: For people who tend to get stuck to us, remember to voice concerns. Sometimes you feel like you can't speak up, and that's bad for you, and it's bad for whomever you're working with. Just remember to voice said concerns appropriately, in the right time and place, and communicate with your team. As for the ones of us that have a particular buddy, remember that the rest of your team is good at what they do too (regardless of your individual opinion of the situation), and that a real look at what our guys might face in the community won't always have you there. Remember to take your breaks like everyone else.
4) Specific traumatic event or experience
Sometimes something really big happens and you don't even know what to do with the information after. For some people, this happens in a crisis on the field. For others, this happens when you hear a story about a parent, an administrator, or something in the community that breaks your heart or spirit.
How can you avoid it?: The worst part about these kinds of events is that you never really see them coming. The most jaded of us have kinks in our armors, and sometimes even we don't know when they'll get hit. Depending on how it happened, make sure to file whatever reports you need to, consider workers' comp time, or whatever you're allowed to have in your company or place of work. Some companies have counselors available. Seek one out. It may be that you just need to take some time off, or it might be that after all day playing Superman, you need to go out there and do something to show yourself that the world can be a cool place (even if it's you that has to go out and make it that way).
B) What Does Burnout Look Like:
I think I may have, myself, burned out after Always Learning went under. I tried to carry out as many of the promises I had made before we closed, and then there was a sort of float period where a number of people thought I was going to do something cool, like start a new company or something of that sort. And... I didn't. I really didn't want to look at the field again. When I got called up by my next employer (I hadn't sent them an application, someone just let them know I was available), I had all the stars and stripes from starting my program, and having experience in the field, but when I actually got to working... I can't even believe I'm saying this... I wasn't easily the hardest working guy there. I know that's shocking to everyone.
No, but seriously. I didn't feel much joy out of the work. My commentary was of a darker sarcasm than normal, and I didn't push my students, or myself, in a way that made me proud. I just kind of floated there for awhile, not really getting on my feet, and not really caring to. And I realized in that moment... I really wanted to work somewhere else. Anywhere else.
I'm not saying that my employer was bad, but at the time, I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. I didn't want to hear another tragic parent story, I didn't want to connect with a student and try to have them overcome a difficult task. Younger, less experienced workers were coming in and doing a way better job, expending a hell of a lot more effort than I wanted to even LOOK at... I just sort of wanted to make my money and leave, and in a job that pays as little as this one does, each day was beginning to look like a dreadful experience.
I'm not sure if I could really claim that I well and truly "burnt out" in that moment. There was a lot of other life complications, and I ended up staying in the field, even going on to start some new cool projects (including, might I add, this blog you're reading). But a good bit of 'burning out' has nothing to do with whether you actually do, or actually don't. Burning out really just looks like getting to that place where you're pretty sure it's time to call it quits, and a lot of that has to deal with wondering if you've burnt out or not.
I suppose what someone who has really burned out looks like is something someone who retires from the field. They stop doing respite, stop working in the homes or talking to the parents, or working in the schools. They shut the door on the community, and don't look back. And because of how we are in the community, that really doesn't look like much, since when you leave the community, it's hard for many of us to keep in contact with you.
C) What Should You Do if You Start to Feel Burnt Out?
When you start asking yourself the question "Am I getting close to burning out?", or even "Am I a burnout?", it may be time to change something about your life. For one, consider taking a vacation. And I don't mean one of those, "I have to do all the work to get ready for the vacation, I have to take care of everything during the vacation, I have to clean everything up after the vacation"-styled vacations. I mean, one legitimate self-serving time to yourself, where you know you can really relax and pamper yourself. Use those days you've been saving up for... whatever excuse that you say you're saving them for. Take on a new beau. Take a class in ballroom dancing.
If that doesn't help, many organizations have ways of switching which classroom or housing unit you're in. They might gripe about losing someone as amazing as you are, and they're right, but for right now, you just need to think about you.
If none of this works, there's absolutely nothing wrong with switching your job to something outside the field. I'm actually planning on getting a job counselor to write a special column on the very subject- how to apply special needs work to other fields successfully. There's no shame in doing your time, and then moving on. Just remember not to close the door completely. There's a lot of cool projects like the Special Olympics that you can volunteer for without committing your whole life to it.
And, of course, if you get your new fancy schmancy job, and start making oodles of money, then you can feel free to donate to many of the same organizations you worked for. I'm sure they'd appreciate it quite a bit.
But what is burnout?
When someone who had been in the field a long time, or had a very traumatic experience and can't seem to let it go, goes back into work the next day, and doesn't seem to give a crap anymore... They seem tired, and they don't find the same jokes as funny, or the same experiences as cute... In short, they don't seem to grab the same joy from the job as they used to... This is what we seem to describe a person who has "burnt out".
What I'm hoping to do through this post is:
A) Discuss the causes of 'burnout', and help you to avoid it if possible.
B) Describe what a 'burnt out' person looks like, and help you determine if you are one. (I'm not going to do this so that you can determine if a co-worker is one, because gossip is the ruination of our peeps, but if you have a close friend that starts acting in this way, you can use this to help perhaps)
C) What actions or activities you can take if you start to feel "burnt out".
D) Become super famous from writing about life stories (because why does anyone ever write blogs on the internet. Gotta make that dolla)
A) How do I catch the burnout?
No, obviously you can't catch 'burnout'. I'm playing around a little bit with a serious issue. I'm not coming from this as a doctor, or a psychologist; these are simply personal observations that I've made over seeing many different paraprofessionals over a long period of time. That being said, there seems to be a small number of events which cause burnout over time.
1) Pain
It can be, or at least often is associated with physical pain, but also emotional pain and stress. We've all worked with that newbie who couldn't let this stuff go after they got to the car that night. Many of us have worked with a tired veteran who was coming in daily talking about how they couldn't pay the bills this month because of our abysmal salary. But it also goes without saying that some of us pull our backs, or come home with bruises or bite marks because of being a hero-in-the-line-of-duty.
Problem is that when these problems don't stop being problems, and they go on day after day, week after week, then we stop being excited (or at least, let's say 'amused') to go into work the next day. Month after month, and we start to dread it. Pain, whether physical, emotional, or stress-related, prolonged over a period of time, is a great reason why people lose enthusiasm, and start considering another line of work.
How can you avoid it?: You can't avoid pain in all forms, obviously. What fun would that be, right? But especially in the terms of short term pain, you can go get a back massage, take a spa day, go to a chiropractor... Depending on the insurance your company carries, this might all be in your plan. If you're having a rough emotional time of it, go out and do something fun. Go see a show. Plan something to look forward to. And, if you're sick stay at home. You may feel like the room won't be able to go on without you, but trust me, once sickness gets into a program, it never leaves. Besides, if you feel like you can't let people down, that's gonna add toward burnout.
2) Money
I've talked about it more than a few times over the last few posts, but money can also be a factor of burnout. I'm not talking about being afraid to pay the bills, at this point, but rather, looking toward the future and seeing what your options are. Many people find themselves somewhat stuck in this type of position, with no good way to advance, and few future options to plan for. But that doesn't stop the younger crowd from ambitions of marriage, buying a house, or having a child. And frankly, all of those things cost money.
Thinking about this enough put people in a place where they stop thinking about the job at hand, and start thinking about where to go next, or even just succumbing to a trapped feeling where they spend time worrying about never being able to go beyond being a paraprofessional.
How can you avoid it?: Practice budgeting, and plan for the things in your life you want to have. Make concrete goals, and include job advancement and education in your schedule. If you don't feel trapped in your job, you may just learn to take a deep breath and enjoy it.
3) Working over a long time with a difficult participant
We love all our guys, in a completely professional way. We love them all equally, and come the good or bad days, we go where we're needed. But sometimes we're the best one at a specific task or job, or considered the person with the most rapport or highest success-rate with a particular individual.
How can you avoid it?: For people who tend to get stuck to us, remember to voice concerns. Sometimes you feel like you can't speak up, and that's bad for you, and it's bad for whomever you're working with. Just remember to voice said concerns appropriately, in the right time and place, and communicate with your team. As for the ones of us that have a particular buddy, remember that the rest of your team is good at what they do too (regardless of your individual opinion of the situation), and that a real look at what our guys might face in the community won't always have you there. Remember to take your breaks like everyone else.
4) Specific traumatic event or experience
Sometimes something really big happens and you don't even know what to do with the information after. For some people, this happens in a crisis on the field. For others, this happens when you hear a story about a parent, an administrator, or something in the community that breaks your heart or spirit.
How can you avoid it?: The worst part about these kinds of events is that you never really see them coming. The most jaded of us have kinks in our armors, and sometimes even we don't know when they'll get hit. Depending on how it happened, make sure to file whatever reports you need to, consider workers' comp time, or whatever you're allowed to have in your company or place of work. Some companies have counselors available. Seek one out. It may be that you just need to take some time off, or it might be that after all day playing Superman, you need to go out there and do something to show yourself that the world can be a cool place (even if it's you that has to go out and make it that way).
B) What Does Burnout Look Like:
I think I may have, myself, burned out after Always Learning went under. I tried to carry out as many of the promises I had made before we closed, and then there was a sort of float period where a number of people thought I was going to do something cool, like start a new company or something of that sort. And... I didn't. I really didn't want to look at the field again. When I got called up by my next employer (I hadn't sent them an application, someone just let them know I was available), I had all the stars and stripes from starting my program, and having experience in the field, but when I actually got to working... I can't even believe I'm saying this... I wasn't easily the hardest working guy there. I know that's shocking to everyone.
No, but seriously. I didn't feel much joy out of the work. My commentary was of a darker sarcasm than normal, and I didn't push my students, or myself, in a way that made me proud. I just kind of floated there for awhile, not really getting on my feet, and not really caring to. And I realized in that moment... I really wanted to work somewhere else. Anywhere else.
I'm not saying that my employer was bad, but at the time, I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. I didn't want to hear another tragic parent story, I didn't want to connect with a student and try to have them overcome a difficult task. Younger, less experienced workers were coming in and doing a way better job, expending a hell of a lot more effort than I wanted to even LOOK at... I just sort of wanted to make my money and leave, and in a job that pays as little as this one does, each day was beginning to look like a dreadful experience.
I'm not sure if I could really claim that I well and truly "burnt out" in that moment. There was a lot of other life complications, and I ended up staying in the field, even going on to start some new cool projects (including, might I add, this blog you're reading). But a good bit of 'burning out' has nothing to do with whether you actually do, or actually don't. Burning out really just looks like getting to that place where you're pretty sure it's time to call it quits, and a lot of that has to deal with wondering if you've burnt out or not.
I suppose what someone who has really burned out looks like is something someone who retires from the field. They stop doing respite, stop working in the homes or talking to the parents, or working in the schools. They shut the door on the community, and don't look back. And because of how we are in the community, that really doesn't look like much, since when you leave the community, it's hard for many of us to keep in contact with you.
C) What Should You Do if You Start to Feel Burnt Out?
When you start asking yourself the question "Am I getting close to burning out?", or even "Am I a burnout?", it may be time to change something about your life. For one, consider taking a vacation. And I don't mean one of those, "I have to do all the work to get ready for the vacation, I have to take care of everything during the vacation, I have to clean everything up after the vacation"-styled vacations. I mean, one legitimate self-serving time to yourself, where you know you can really relax and pamper yourself. Use those days you've been saving up for... whatever excuse that you say you're saving them for. Take on a new beau. Take a class in ballroom dancing.
If that doesn't help, many organizations have ways of switching which classroom or housing unit you're in. They might gripe about losing someone as amazing as you are, and they're right, but for right now, you just need to think about you.
If none of this works, there's absolutely nothing wrong with switching your job to something outside the field. I'm actually planning on getting a job counselor to write a special column on the very subject- how to apply special needs work to other fields successfully. There's no shame in doing your time, and then moving on. Just remember not to close the door completely. There's a lot of cool projects like the Special Olympics that you can volunteer for without committing your whole life to it.
And, of course, if you get your new fancy schmancy job, and start making oodles of money, then you can feel free to donate to many of the same organizations you worked for. I'm sure they'd appreciate it quite a bit.
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